Shinnformation Station

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Lonliness

Lonliness

Loneliness is a hope deferred
A sick heart longing for a familial cure
It’s having kin but no kinship
Like family is for the past, but the present is mine alone to endure

Loneliness is an expectation never met
Loving kindness has withdrawn to public displays
Social media offers a mirage
That comes most alive during year-end holidays

Loneliness is being gaslit for being me
Ever the outsider who grew up a vagabond
Still wanting connection with those whom I share history and blood
Sending cards and invitations only to have no one respond

Loneliness is watching a busy world be entirely too busy for me
Schedules are the acceptable way at keeping others at arms length
Platitudes and cliches have become the common exchange
And superficiality is consistently sapping my strength

Loneliness is a hunger for better questions and conversation
People scarcely venturing towards anything deep
It’s salutations and small talk ad nauseam
Trolling and doom scrolling just before sleep

Loneliness is a deep disappointment
Knowing the people who will attend my funeral will not attend my life
Like honor only comes when I’m no longer around
Because support is somehow the sole responsibility of my wife

Loneliness is an apology I’ll not receive
Needing a balm for an eternal ache
It’s being willing to give my last dollar
Despite those who consistently and insistently take

Loneliness is a voice that says, “It must be me”
Wondering what version of me deserves others to be kind
It’s a constant battle to beat back the voices
Of a simultaneously wired and tired mind

Loneliness is an invisibility
A desire to be seen by a world that is deliberately blind
It’s knowing my wounds and my ways are too jarring for most
Seeking shelter with the rare few who are consistently kind

Loneliness is being lost at sea
A vessel who’s had no captain or no crew
When storms build and pirates come to pilfer
I just invent the handbook on what to do

Loneliness is the village that used to raise its children
Folks defer now to the digital landscape
How can people honestly believe
We’ve evolved more than our cousin the ape

Loneliness is pain finding its home in me
Like sorrow itself was lonely and needed a friend
Now my shadow has it’s own dark partner
And I’m certain he’ll be with me till the end

Loneliness is what this place does to me
But solitude is something I do for myself
Community requires conformity before it opens its doors
But freedom of thought has its own quiet health

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Welcome!

This is Shinnformation Station! My name is Joshua Shinn, and, yes, I named this place Shinn + Information + Station = Shinnformation Station. I admit is sounds like some children’s programming similar to Captain Kangaroo or Reading Rainbow, but for reasons unknown, the name tickles me to no end. It scratches some happy itch in my brain and makes me smile, and that’s what matters, so I went with what I love.

For the longest time I have wanted to create a hub for stories, mental exploration, lessons learned, and memories made, especially since I am growing older and many of my stories are getting further in the rearview mirror– and what better place than a station? Station has multiple meanings. One meaning is “channel,” which this is; one meaning is “position” or “situation,” which there is some of that here, too, since I will share my perspectives on any number of subjects and experiences; but the meaning that is preeminent here is “depot,” like a train station. My late father, Kermit Shinn, used to work for Union Pacific Railroad in Kansas City, so I have always loved trains. They represent for me, my father, but trains also represent the American spirit, industry, adventure, and freedom. Shinnformation Station, then, represents a blend of nostalgia, introspection, and discovery.

This is a place where I get to write precisely how I desire. I’ve been told by many I should publish– poems, articles, essays, even books. I’ve dabbled, but never fully pursued it. I’ve been offered contracts (I’ve had one unsigned in my file cabinet for years) , but I never committed. Insecurity admittedly slows me, but passion is what really stops me. My words and ideas are my own. Publishers don’t want my words or ideas; they want their version of my words and ideas, the ones they believe will sell. I want none of that. The only time I’ve ever sold is when the words were wholly mine.

The words here will be wholly mine. I’m working to collect my previous writing and experiences, hoping to preserve the best of myself and my wife for our children. A child craves nothing more than a parent’s presence, especially when they are gone. So when that day comes, my hope is that this will serve as a portrait of who we were beyond what photos and videos capture. Images may record moments, but they don’t reveal our depth of character, thought, and emotion the way words can. Words alone hold the unique quality of conveying essence. It’s why God gave Himself to us in words.

Welcome to my word station– my Shinnformation Station. The name may be playful, much like I’ve often been in life, but the purpose is sincere: to explore and express the best of who I can become through words.

Thanks for stopping by.

Sincerely,

Joshua Shinn, writer, reader, hiker, husband, father, friend